Tips & Tricks for Britney
By JEN NESTEL
Posted: 2006-05-24 16:52:51
Oops, she did it again. Brit’s made yet another parenting mistake with Sean Preston. Anyone shocked? Yeah, didn’t think so. Poor kid. When Brit announced that she is in fact pregnant with Bambino No. 2 (not to toot our own horn, but we predicted this a long time ago), we decided it was time to step in.
Yes, we’ll give Brit the benefit of the doubt – she’s a new mother. But, come on. She’s dropped him more than once and driven with him on her lap, among other things. There’s only so much that one mother can do wrong before an intervention is needed.
Headermuffin says, “People do go a little overboard in judging celebrities - people they don’t even know. But, I mean, come on, I have a daughter and I have several friends with small children, and I don't know one person who has as many ‘mishaps’ with their child as Britney does. A little scary to think she's going to have another one, don't you think?”
We’ve asked Red Pill readers to suggest some tips and tricks for Britney before she delivers her next victim, oops, we mean child. And here’s what they’ve come up with:
Tip 1: Don’t Drop the Baby
Yes, we’ll give Brit the benefit of the doubt – she’s a new mother. But, come on. She’s dropped him more than once and driven with him on her lap, among other things. There’s only so much that one mother can do wrong before an intervention is needed.
Headermuffin says, “People do go a little overboard in judging celebrities - people they don’t even know. But, I mean, come on, I have a daughter and I have several friends with small children, and I don't know one person who has as many ‘mishaps’ with their child as Britney does. A little scary to think she's going to have another one, don't you think?”
We’ve asked Red Pill readers to suggest some tips and tricks for Britney before she delivers her next victim, oops, we mean child. And here’s what they’ve come up with:
Tip 1: Don’t Drop the Baby
E387jdi says, “My goodness, her baby almost falls to the floor and she can't let go of her drink to try and save him. If her bodyguards weren't there she would have dropped the baby and saved her precious drink. Is she already drunk?"
Ah, the good old “drop the baby, save the martini” routine. We’ve heard of this one. Most woman who are successful at this task usually find their children are put in someone else’s custody shortly afterwards. Brit, we’d suggest not trying this one. Let the drink go and just order a new one later.
Tip 2: Your Lap is Not a Car Seat
Dani130 says, “The time she was driving with her son on her lap was the worst. I can’t believe she would put her son in such danger. With all the media around her, she could have had a serious accident.
“What really makes me mad, is if it would have been you or me riding with our child on our laps we would have been in serous trouble, but not her. What did she get, just a slap on the wrist? I guess when you have money you really can buy your way out of anything, even if it endangers another person’s life, even a child.”
Ah, the good old “drop the baby, save the martini” routine. We’ve heard of this one. Most woman who are successful at this task usually find their children are put in someone else’s custody shortly afterwards. Brit, we’d suggest not trying this one. Let the drink go and just order a new one later.
Tip 2: Your Lap is Not a Car Seat
Dani130 says, “The time she was driving with her son on her lap was the worst. I can’t believe she would put her son in such danger. With all the media around her, she could have had a serious accident.
“What really makes me mad, is if it would have been you or me riding with our child on our laps we would have been in serous trouble, but not her. What did she get, just a slap on the wrist? I guess when you have money you really can buy your way out of anything, even if it endangers another person’s life, even a child.”
Yes, Brit, we’re sure your lap is super comfy for little Sean to bounce around on. However, not such a bright idea while you're driving. What was she thinking here? “Oh, men with cameras are chasing me … better put Sean on my lap. This would be a great one for the family album!” So, anyone else wondering how many times Brit was dropped on her head as a child?
Tip 3: Not Even Sean Wants to Look at You
Dani130 says, “As for driving with her son in the car seat facing forward, that is just wrong. Why didn’t she read the information that came with the car seat? I read the car seat booklet from front to back. Doesn’t she know how to put the car seat in right? Maybe she doesn’t know how to read. She probably paid someone to read it for her.”
Hmm … we’re doubting that she even paid someone to read it for her. If she did, we hope that person is no longer employed. Seriously, is there anyone alive in this world, other than Brit, who doesn’t know this? Is she just having Baby no. 2 for spare parts?
We know Brit’s got a big head. Who wouldn’t, with paparazzi following your every move? But Brit, not even Sean wants to stare at you all the time. Turn the car seat around!
Tip 4: Ditch the Baby’s Daddy
Tip 3: Not Even Sean Wants to Look at You
Dani130 says, “As for driving with her son in the car seat facing forward, that is just wrong. Why didn’t she read the information that came with the car seat? I read the car seat booklet from front to back. Doesn’t she know how to put the car seat in right? Maybe she doesn’t know how to read. She probably paid someone to read it for her.”
Hmm … we’re doubting that she even paid someone to read it for her. If she did, we hope that person is no longer employed. Seriously, is there anyone alive in this world, other than Brit, who doesn’t know this? Is she just having Baby no. 2 for spare parts?
We know Brit’s got a big head. Who wouldn’t, with paparazzi following your every move? But Brit, not even Sean wants to stare at you all the time. Turn the car seat around!
Tip 4: Ditch the Baby’s Daddy
KAREN1968K suggests, “Oh, Britney, Britney, Britney … We know you’re not the brightest person, but Kevin Federline? Come, on! The guy has nothing to offer anyone. Are you that desperate for a man that you would put up with an ugly, smart-mouthed punk who is only with you to deplete all of your money until the well is dry?
“Brit, honey, I guarantee you, if you didn’t have much money left, he would be gone so fast. Listen, Brit, stop being so desperate. And for God's sakes, don’t have any more children. Children are a huge responsibility, and you’re obviously not the brightest person. At this point all I can say to you is -- cut your losses while you can.”
Well put. Usually couples balance each other out. One person is grounded, while the other is flighty. In the case of K-Fed and Britney, we’ve got just Tweedle-Dee and Tweedle-Dumb.
Unfortunately, we’re afraid Brit’s reached the point of no return. She’s already got Sean Preston and another one on the way. We can only hope that she seeks better guidance on parenting then good old K-Fed. Please, please, please read the manual before you put the baby stroller together. Although, you’ve got to admit, her shenanigans keep us endlessly entertained.
“Brit, honey, I guarantee you, if you didn’t have much money left, he would be gone so fast. Listen, Brit, stop being so desperate. And for God's sakes, don’t have any more children. Children are a huge responsibility, and you’re obviously not the brightest person. At this point all I can say to you is -- cut your losses while you can.”
Well put. Usually couples balance each other out. One person is grounded, while the other is flighty. In the case of K-Fed and Britney, we’ve got just Tweedle-Dee and Tweedle-Dumb.
Unfortunately, we’re afraid Brit’s reached the point of no return. She’s already got Sean Preston and another one on the way. We can only hope that she seeks better guidance on parenting then good old K-Fed. Please, please, please read the manual before you put the baby stroller together. Although, you’ve got to admit, her shenanigans keep us endlessly entertained.
Tip 5: It's Not a Clown Contest
TokenFemale thinks, "How can Britney even begin to be a role model for her children when she dresses like trash? I hope that Baby No. 2 isn't a girl. Could you imagine what she'd be wearing as a teen? Belly shirts, tube tops and Daisy Dukes!"
We know being a mom is time consuming. Does that mean you need to let fashion fly out the window? Britney, take a look at other pregnant celebrity moms like Gwen, Angelina and even Katie Holmes. They still look hot. Poor Sean Preston is going to have nightmares from looking at what you wear. Aren’t you supposed to be a role model?
TokenFemale thinks, "How can Britney even begin to be a role model for her children when she dresses like trash? I hope that Baby No. 2 isn't a girl. Could you imagine what she'd be wearing as a teen? Belly shirts, tube tops and Daisy Dukes!"
We know being a mom is time consuming. Does that mean you need to let fashion fly out the window? Britney, take a look at other pregnant celebrity moms like Gwen, Angelina and even Katie Holmes. They still look hot. Poor Sean Preston is going to have nightmares from looking at what you wear. Aren’t you supposed to be a role model?
On the Next Red Pill
Some celebs are stunning, elegant and know how to rock the red carpet. And then there are the other celebs, like Pam Anderson and Anna Nicole Smith, who make our jaws drop. Tell us who you think the trashiest celebs in Hollywood are.
Skipped a Dose?
What's that? You missed last week's Red Pill? For shame! Swallow it here!
Some celebs are stunning, elegant and know how to rock the red carpet. And then there are the other celebs, like Pam Anderson and Anna Nicole Smith, who make our jaws drop. Tell us who you think the trashiest celebs in Hollywood are.
Skipped a Dose?
What's that? You missed last week's Red Pill? For shame! Swallow it here!
2006-05-22 17:58:07